Candle carving is standard witchery. I mean, pick up any candle-magic (or “Candle Magick” if you’re fancy) book and you’ll see instructions on how to carve, oil, and magically “charge” your candle. The idea is that when you’ve done these steps, and then light your candle, you’re casting that spell while it burns.

I love candles for more than their delightful scents. There’s something homey to me in the barely dancing light of a teensy flame. I love the way the flame looks alive, like it’s a visitor from another place, just popping in to dance for me. I know it’s fanciful and whimsical, but that’s how I feel about it. I’m also paranoid about flames being near anything that might decide to be “catching”, so my candles are always on the top of the bookshelf, the back of the stove, stuff like that. [Also, I’m a parent of kids and cats. You learn a lot of flame-paranoia when you’re a parent of any vulnerable creature!]

One of the ways I’ve taken the idea of candle magic and made it non-theistic, and non-woo is to take the magical part out. Just the same way I did with spell jars and cord cutting. This doesn’t mean these “spells” aren’t meaningful! It means I know that the meaning I give it is less faerie godmother, and more “gotta get my hands dirty and take care of this”. This is what I try to impart when I teach: magic is a fancy way of saying “I have to get my hands dirty, here’s my plan”. For many Pagans, magic is just praying. Praying has a well-earned bad rap (thoughts and prayers, any one?) but we won’t get into that right now. The Queer Coven practices magic with movement, and our prayers are our hands that work.

This work is something we’re going to cover with our candles and soap carvings.

Remember, as with all Work, all Spells, all Witchery that we do: we’re Acting With Intention and Being Wise In Our Choices.

Candle Carving for Supporting Our Intentions

Candle Carving is a lot easier than many books make it seem. I recommend a mechanical pencil, or an empty ball-point pen. Even a skewer or chopstick can be used. Whatever you can hold to “write” on the candle with. You do not need a knife, but you can use one if you have and/or prefer to do Work with your athame (your black/dark handled knife that Is NOT sharp!)

You will need:

1 candle of any size, colour and/or fragrance. It must be free from a container (can be votive, a candle stick, a seven day, whatever)

A container for your candle (can even be a folded piece of aluminium foil, a plate, whatever you have that will hold it safely)

Matches or a lighter

Your intentions, especially if this is your long-term Intention, just jot a couple down on a scrap of paper

A mechanical pencil (no lead is needed)

Optional: a sweet-smelling oil of whatever scent you like. You can “match” it with your intention by looking up herbs and their “magical uses”. Or, you can do whatever you like. I choose whatever I like, and never choose one that I think smells bad (like patchouli, I hate patchouli oil!)

You will do:

Take 5-10 minutes to rest yourself. Deep breaths and gentle sounds (music, ocean or rain sounds, whatever) and don’t dwell on anything much at all. Right now, in this moment, just Be.

Now, take up your intention list. Or, take a few more minutes to make one. For this exercise, we’re going to choose “I won’t judge myself if I miss a workout” and “I will be compassionate toward myself, too!” You can choose anything, literally anything. They don’t have to be full sentences, and one or two words is perfect. There are no wrong ways to do this.

Looking at the first one: I won’t judge myself if I miss a workout. What are your first impressions of that? I think of weights, a clock, weightlifting gloves, a yoga mat, stuff like that. Because I lift weights 4 days a week and do yoga on Wednesdays (I just started this program back up again about 4 weeks ago at press time, so this has been my own intention!) Sometimes life happens, and so I am choose not to be mean to myself for that. I know I will do it tomorrow, and that is good enough.

The second one: I will be compassionate toward myself, too! This one reminds me that compassion isn’t just something I give to others, but that I can give myself (and receive from others) in a beautiful way. It’s hard to remember, but it’s important. I give compassion and love to others, and I can give them as gifts to myself. The symbols would be a heart, and maybe a book or cup of tea (because when I am down, someone giving me a cup of tea is a beautiful gift).

Those symbols that I think of, the weights, the clock, the gloves and mat. Those are what I would carve. Or something that symbolizes those things. Maybe a couple little things like this +--+ to symbolize the dumbbells, and a hand for the glove. Whatever symbols you use, remember to include the good bits. For me, this would be a heart for being non-judgemental, that cup of tea.

That scrap of paper is probably covered in little squiggles and teensy doodles. That’s good! Turn your candle sideways and start carving whichever doodles you want to with your pencil. You’ll have to press a little, but the wax will carve away. You don’t have to carve deeply, just write in the wax, as it were. Maybe write your intention sentences/phrases out, or just “Non-Judgemental!” and “Compassion!” You have the entire outside of the candle, so just fill it up with things that remind you of your Intention. Things that remind you of the Choice you are making.

Take as long as you need to take in order for the candle to feel done. You can do this for 5 minutes a day for a month, or 20 minutes in one shot. It doesn’t matter. Again, there is no wrong way to do this. You’re just reminding yourself of the Wise Intention you’ve Chosen. And the candle will be your visual reminder.

Many spell books will also tell you to carve god and goddess, astrological, or elemental symbols as a way to charge the magic. I say do it if you want to, and don’t if you don’t. They don’t mean anything unless you give them meaning in your Craft, so this is a case of “Whatever-Whatever”.

When you have finished the carving you can anoint the outside of the candle with oil, if you like. I do sometimes, if I’m feeling up to it. Then, place the candle into the holder. Say your intentions aloud. Hold that thought in your mind as firmly as the candle sits in the holder. Then, strike your match and light your candle. Let it burn for about an hour at a time, until it’s gone. Every time you light it, speak your Intention. This is a way that you can tell yourself that you are holding to the Intentions, and look at the good choice, the wise choice you made.

Soap Carving for Self-Love

This one is pretty much Candle-Carving Redux with one major change: you need your self-love list.

You will need:

1 bar of soap (softer soap is best for carving)

A mechanical pencil

Your Self-Love list

You will do:

Find your centre, meditating for a few minutes on just being there. You’re going to choose wisely and with intention.

When you’re ready, take your self-love list. Really study it. Now, which ones are the hardest for you to really believe? Which ones do you know logically are true, but don’t feel true to you emotionally? Which ones do you want, desperately to be worthy of, but feel like you’re just lying to yourself? Choose two or three.

Those are your Intentions. For this exercise I’m going to pick a couple easy ones, but you’ll get the idea: “I’m a good at writing bad poetry”, “I’m still quit (smoking)!”, and “I am not an imposter, I’m actually good at my job!” (Oh, shots fired, right?)

I love writing poetry, but it’s bad. I mean, So Bad! So, I tend not to write it, because I’m not good at it. But because I do love it, I know I should give myself this gift, the gift of being able to enjoy being bad at something.

I quit smoking (for the second time) a few years ago. And holy shit balls I didn’t expect to get cravings during the COVID-19 pandemic. But I did, and I chose to “stay-quit”. Even now, when I don’t crave them, I know that addiction will always lurk in my brain, so I try to celebrate being a former smoker.

I suffer from a debilitating case of imposter syndrome (me and everyone my age, right?) While I can list my accomplishments, I’m still pretty sure that I’m just winging it, and someone, somewhere, someday, will figure out that I’m a total fake. Logically I know this isn’t true, not even a little bit. I logically know that I do a good job, that I really do care about people, and that I’m a great friend and partner. But emotionally, well, let’s just say that anxiety and depression make perfect bedfellows with Imposter Syndrome. So, I try to hang onto that logic, the part of me that encourages my friends to really own their awesomeness—because I do own mine, too.

Take up your soap and your pencil. Choose your first intention, and carve the words on to the front side of the bar (for this exercise, you have two big flat sides, the “front and back”, and 1 long side, basically the edge around the whole thing). Write the words you need to say to yourself, “I can have fun writing bad poetry!” and “I don’t have to be good at it to love it”. You get the idea. When you’ve written/carved it, take a moment to think. Does that side need decoration? A flower? A symbol? If so, add it now.

Flip the soap over, and do the same with the next intention. “I and my heart are glad I don’t smoke” or “Whew, it was hard, but I did it!” Again, whatever words will speak to that, and will encourage you.* Pause and consider: do you feel like decoration is needed? If so, add them.

Finally, the sides, you have four sides, so you can write all the way around it. “I’m not pretending to know stuff” or “I’m still learning and that’s amazing!” Whatever. Add decoration if it’s needed.

Now, hold that carved up soap in your hands. You will have soap shavings on your fingers, and you can smell the scent of the soap. Breathe it in, and tie that smell, with the feeling of the carved affirmations under your fingers. Imagine that smell and those beautiful words are the same thing. Can you see them tied together? Good! That’s what you want. You want to associate those words of encouragement and self-love with the smell of that delightful soap.

When you bathe, use your soap. Every day, every week, when you’re feeling like you’ve thrown your self-love out of the window. When I do this, I use the bar until it’s gone. But you will know when you need that encouragement, or that little extra reminder of how amazing you are.

*I chose this one, even though I don’t think I’m in danger of a relapse, because relapses do happen. Staying sober, not smoking, not relapsing into disordered eating, all of these things can feel like an Every Single Day fight. Addiction isn’t something we really understand, and so it’s something that we should be compassionate about. Celebrate your victories over your addictions! Celebrate your good eating, your refusal to light up or drink, your choosing not to use. These are precious gifts you’re giving yourself, and you deserve that love! Trust me. Also, relapsing doesn’t mean you’re a failure or a bad person. It means you have an addiction brain that does addiction things. Again, we don’t understand it very well. So, be kind, get back on whatever program you have. Talk to your counsellors, lean on your sponsors, do what you have to do to heal. Because, again, you’re worthy